Still Here, Still Soft: Lessons in Empathy, Boundaries, and Leadership
- taytalks
- Jul 25
- 3 min read
This week, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to lead with empathy — not just as a value, but as a lived experience. Especially as a young Black woman in community and leadership spaces, empathy often feels like both a superpower and a weight.
At 24, with a deep passion for community, I’ve started to notice the gap between intention and reality. Especially in spaces that are complex, political, or performative. I'm someone who feels it all. I don’t know how to not care. That’s why I’m good at what I do — community building, program design, and uplifting others. But it’s also why I’ve been burnt out, disappointed, and disillusioned.
When you're emotionally attuned in environments that don't value emotional labor, it can drain you.
You’re expected to lead, but not challenge. To show up, but not speak out. To hold space, but not name the weight of what you’re holding.
And when you’re young, Black, and a woman, your voice is often questioned before it's heard. Your value is doubted before it’s proven. Your presence feels like a disruption instead of a contribution.
Creating Circles, Not Walls
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned recently — through therapy, mentorship, and trial and error — is about expectations and boundaries. My therapist introduced me to a concept that has changed the way I move through my relationships: visualizing people in circles.
Inner circle: people who know you, see you, and support you deeply.
Outer circle: folks you care for, but who may not have earned deep access to your heart or time.
Outer-outer circle: acquaintances or professional connections who may not be safe spaces for vulnerability, and that’s okay.
This framework has helped me manage my expectations. Because sometimes, we hand out "inner circle" expectations to "outer circle" people — and then feel hurt when they can't meet us where we are.
It’s not about building walls. It’s about organizing your emotional energy. So you can stay soft without being unprotected.
My Therapy Toolbox
I’m also building my therapy toolbox — something I return to when I feel overwhelmed, unseen, or overextended.
One of my go-to tools? Walking my dog. Simple. Intentional. Restorative.
That walk reminds me: I can feel what I feel without fixing everything. I can take a step back without stepping away from who I am.
Other tools in my toolbox:
Journaling without judgment
Saying “let me get back to you” instead of overcommitting
Letting silence be an answer
Listening to music that helps me come back to myself
Asking: “What tool do I need right now?” instead of spiraling
Posting on social media and leaning on the community I built
Laughing
Dinner dates
Staying Soft is Still Radical
This isn’t a complaint. It’s a reminder.
If you feel disillusioned, emotionally tired, or out of place — you’re not the problem.If you’ve been told you’re too sensitive, maybe your environment is too numb. If you’re already navigating politics, silence, and resistance in your early career… welcome. You’re not alone.
We are still becoming the leaders we once looked for.
We’re still learning how to protect our peace while staying grounded in purpose.And sometimes, the most radical thing you can do is stay soft in a space that hasn’t yet made room for it.
Still here. Still learning.S till leading with heart.
End-of-Week Reflection Question:What’s one tool you’re adding to your emotional toolbox this week? How are you practicing empathy without sacrificing yourself?
Drop your thoughts in the comments or share with someone who needs to hear this.
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